I let go of what I am...

I am done class this week. This will officially mark the end of my second year of college...one year to go, and I'll be in the 'real world'. I don't know if I'm ready, to be honest.

One week has gone by since I met with Elmer Olsen, but I'm not closer to making a decision. I read a quote yesterday that really struck me:

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

This seems like an equation to me, almost.
What I am = student
What I might be = international model

When I let go of being a student, I become an international model? Weird. It doesn't sound right when I say it out loud. Nothing ever sounds right when I say it out loud. But does it feel right? I can't answer that either.

I know that I'm content living the life of a student, but would I be more content building a platform for myself? I could use this platform for so much... there's a lot I want to accomplish - a lot I plan on accomplishing with or without the title of 'international model'. Would this title make it easier? Certainly. But I've never had things handed to me - I've always worked hard for the things I have. I've always wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself. This would certainly be bigger than anything I could've ever imagined.

I'm still so undecided. I've been too busy worrying about finishing this semester and finding a summer job to actually take the time to think about everything with a clear mind. I don't think it's bad that I don't know where I'm going just yet. I had a complete life plan as of two weeks ago that has been completely disheveled since my meeting. Maybe this is a sign that I underestimate my abilities. Maybe this is a sign that life doesn't revolve around a 'plan'. At least not one that we non-divine beings create for ourselves...

I'm working through my thoughts slowly, but I'm going home for Easter this weekend and will hopefully be able to talk things through with my family. They always seem to offer a fresh perspective. They always have the best intentions, and want what's best for me. Do they know what's best for me? That's a different story. In the mean time, I've got a biography and communications plan to finish, and a movie to watch illegally.

Good luck with your exams and dilemmas, friends.

-Satisfy my Soul